Running from Love

As a matter of habit, I don't run. Not for races, not for trains, not after my children. A light jog once in a while is all I've been motivated to attempt, that too, in only a few great phases of my life.

But this tiktok trending video https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L1eaOId9Zts reminded me of 2 times I actually ran really fast. Both times, I was in my teens and an unknown teenage boy expressed interest in me late in the evening, while I was leaving an institution and there was no one else around. I must have looked exactly like these animals did and those poor boys must be relieved they dodged a bullet by not dating me.

After I finished laughing at myself, I reflected upon why I had scooted out of there without any explanation rather than just stand my ground and say 'No, thanks.'

• Maybe, it was because I had enough experience to know that when an older male (especially if he's a family friend) chooses to be alone with you, they do somethings really scary and difficult to express and deal with.

• Maybe it's because I just couldn't handle the idea that someone was genuinely interested in me as a person because my self esteem was so low.

• Maybe it's because I didn't think I was physically strong enough to put up a fight in case things got ugly.

In any case, in both instances, I clearly remember their faces, what they said and how in the very next instant (without any memory of the actual running) I was way out of the gate of the institution.

One boy said very hesitatingly, with thoughtfully mustered courage: 'I really really like you.' The other asked me for change to put into the pay phone and then said: 'Will you go out with me?' Both were not really terrifying things to hear if you think about it and yet I raaaaaan! I didn't take more than 1 second to process these statements as DANGER! FLEE FOR YOUR LIFE!

Many years later, Someone else pursued me. But this was very very different. In retrospect, I guess I always had the sense that He was somewhere in the background, keeping an eye on me, watching me from a distance. When He did make His presence felt, I never felt intimidated or violated in any way. It's as if He knew exactly when to draw closer and when to give me space. It always seemed like He was hanging around in general, it never occurred to me that He was interested in a relationship specifically with me. After all, why would the God who created the universe want to have to do anything with tiny, insignificant me?!

It was when he sent the meekest person on the planet to invite me into a dialogue with Him where I could ask any questions I had, that He finally got my attention. I was now ready for a confrontation, itching for a fight and desperate enough to start demanding some answers, especially about where He was when I really needed protection as a child. In my head, I thought I would have a good go at Him, finally figure out what (if anything) there is to this person called God – that I had heard about all my life but never experienced- and be done with the whole thing once and for all.

Our actual encounter was totally not what I expected.

Not only did He absorb my rage and arrogance and sucked it right out of me, He made me feel safer than I have ever ever felt in my life before. More and more questions kept tumbling out of my heart but I had finally met the One worth engaging with.

It turns out that all the while I thought He was watching me from a safe distance, He was actually planning in great detail a highly specialized rescue mission to save me from far worse than I thought I needed saving from.

As our relationship began, I had the distinct sense that I was being pursued, sought after, much thought of, yet without any sense of danger or thought to flee.

Yet all around me, I see people running from God's love.

• They say they are broken and tired. Yet when loving arms are stretched open in invitation to sweet rest, they run.
  
• They say they are angry with God and call Him all sorts of names, yet when God wants to meet and sort it all out, they run.
  
• They say life is crumbling all around them and nothing makes sense, yet when God says "I am the way", they say we have what already works for us.

A close friend asked me very seriously, "Are you saying that your Jesus will solve all my problems?" I said, "No, Jesus never promised a problem- free life. What I am saying is that He offers love and relationship like no one else can offer. His love is better than that of the best parent, best friend, best spouse. Being with Him is better than the best relationship you can imagine. And this kind of relationship is what we humans actually need- not we want right now- a problem free life"

And she ran. From His love. And I totally get why.

• Maybe her past experience taught her such intimacy is too scary and confusing to experience and express.

• Maybe she can't wrap her head around the idea that someone could love her that much.

• Maybe she thought she wouldn't be strong enough to say NO once she did get involved.

Yet, I know He is watching her from afar, keeping an eye on her, and planning out a highly specialized rescue mission to save her from a lot more than what she thinks she needs saving from.

And His love is so strong, so pure that He will wait patiently, for decades if need be, to find just the right moment to knock again on the door of her heart and YET give her full freedom to slam the door on His face or welcome Him into her life.

Revelation 3:20: Listen! I am standing at the door, knocking; if you hear my voice and open the door, I will come in to you and eat with you, and you with me.

Picture credit: Zarah

So, if you hear that knocking on the door of your heart, do let Him in.

He's so totally worth it.

But please know that even if you're not ready yet, He is the perfect pursuer: knowing when to make a move and when to give you space- in His completely self-giving love.

And the only reason I'm even telling you this- is because I want to you to have the full freedom to receive or reject this love as per your conscience. Because although I've had this love for 17 amazing years, I really wish someone had told me this sooner.

If you can't see the video here, click on this link https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Edyj7H9yEsE