messymiraculousmommy

  Have you ever read the parable of the prodigal son and wondered what happened to his older brother? Well, here’s my attempt at sharing his side of the story. The young man sat under the huge tree just outside his father’s house, grateful for its shade. His back was turned away from the house, away from the blaring music, away from the scurrying servants, away from the smell of grand food wafting towards him. His head was hot from working all morning in the field and his stomach was rumbling. He gulped down the last few sips of water he had carried with him and stared into the open field. “I’m not going in”, he told himself as his stomach rumbled again. A cool breeze blew towards him, causing the little swing on the tree to bump into him. He held it close and remembered the day his mother cajoled him to let his younger brother sit there even though he had finished all his chores and had just settled into it. They always pampered him. He’s younger than you- let him have ...

You are my home, oh Lord Your loving gaze is where I fix my sight from afar Yours is the face I yearn to touch Your Word invites me to be cleansed and renewed  Yours are the shoulders upon which I hang my baggage up Yours are the arms where I receive the most intimate love there is to receive Upon your beating heart, I lay my ears to listen Your body and blood provide me with the most important nutrition Yours is the lap in which I rest my head and wake up refreshed Yours are the feet at which I gladly lay my life down You are my home Oh Lord It doesn't matter where I came from or where I now live  It doesn't matter what I own or what I choose to give Because you are my home oh Lord The safest home The most loving home The most peaceful home The most life- giving home The most nourishing home Jesus, you are my home.  And in you my home, I live and work and find my being. In you my home, I find my purpose, my meaning, my joy amidst trials In you my home, no past is welcome...

On this day, twenty-two years ago, I watched a man die right in front of me.  It was the very first time I had witnessed someone die.  And I was completely shocked at what a precious and beautiful experience it was. Around a year prior to that, I ran an errand for my boyfriend: collecting his father’s reports from an office at the end of one of the many long corridors of that huge hospital. The doctors who handed me the reports were only slightly older than I was and they fumbled as they asked me how I was related to the patient, looking at each other to decide whether they should tell me what the reports said. I convinced them I was a family member and they should tell me. But by then I had already read what was written all over their faces. My boyfriend’s father was dying. I remember walking back down that long corridor, trying to figure out how I was going to break the news to my beloved. I was searching my brain for any prior education as to how one must be told that o...

I have always LOVED asking questions! In school, only very specific and important questions were ‘allowed’, that too only after class. But in college, I met the most amazing professors who enjoyed listening to my questions as much as I enjoyed asking them. But they too had to work within time constraints and so they taught me how to ask questions that actually got me somewhere I wanted to go. At work, certain politically correct questions were encouraged but no one truly embraced the joy of asking questions that really mattered if it came at a cost to one’s ego or belief system. I had such a passion for asking questions, that after my wedding, my bridesmaid told me she thought I was going to raise my hand and ask a question in the middle of the priest’s sermon on our wedding day! And I just might have too!   It was later with a certain group of people who really earned my trust, that I could open up and ask the questions that could change my life for the better. And since then,...

After the chocolate is relished After the sugar crashes After the love notes are tucked away After the dried up roses are stuffed into the garbage After the amazing food is clicked, eaten and digested After the holiday clothes are washed and put away After the best poses are liked and shared After the memory of the sweetest kiss fades When you're exhausted When you're sick When you're having the worst hair day because half of it seems to be on the bathroom floor When you're lonely When you're in a wretched mood When your mind is so fogged up, you can't see a clear sentence coming out  Who longs to spend time with you?  Who gives you his whole attention?  Who lavishes you with the costliest gift?  Who pours out his heart in a long love letter?  Who serves your best interests?  Who waits for you with outstretched arms?  Jesus No one can love you like He does No one can satisfy the deepest desires of your soul like He does Jesus There's nothing you can do...

  In more than two decades of marriage, we have cared for 6 of our elders together, accompanying 5 of them on the last leg of their earthly journeys, through multiple illnesses, hospital stays and ultimately, palliative care at home. This was not something we had planned on doing and I certainly had absolutely no skills to do any of it when we began. I have joked with my husband that if I knew before marrying him, that we would give so much of our lives to our elders, I probably wouldn’t have married him. He knows I was not really joking 😉 I have also not cared for 3 other elders because I was too young/too indifferent/too overwhelmed with caregiving when the time came for them. And so I write this post, not with pride, but with gratitude for this ongoing journey. The gratitude comes with much retrospect because in the thick of things, I had no time to reflect, only enough time to respond the best I could. And in retrospect, I can see so clearly the beauty from the ashes of ...