TODAY!
On this day, twenty-two years ago, I watched a man die right in front of me. It was the very first time I had witnessed someone die. And I was completely shocked at what a precious and beautiful experience it was.
Around a year prior
to that, I ran an errand for my boyfriend: collecting his father’s reports from
an office at the end of one of the many long corridors of that huge hospital.
The doctors who handed me the reports were only slightly older than I was and they
fumbled as they asked me how I was related to the patient, looking at each
other to decide whether they should tell me what the reports said. I convinced
them I was a family member and they should tell me. But by then I had already
read what was written all over their faces. My boyfriend’s father was dying.
I remember walking
back down that long corridor, trying to figure out how I was going to break the
news to my beloved. I was searching my brain for any prior education as to how
one must be told that one’s loved one is dying and I could find none. Nothing
had prepared me to face death.
I had known only one
other person who had died until then. A day after my 15th birthday, as
I stood at a bus stop chatting with my best friend, my father passed us by in a
double decker bus and yelled out: “______, call mummy and tell her grandpa
died.” I had to rush to find a payphone and do the necessary without having
time to think about how I felt about it all. I remember sobbing at his funeral
but I think it was more from unexpressed fear of the unknown than any actual
grief. So clearly, I had no valuable experience in facing death or dying.
So, on this day,
twenty-two years ago, as I stood watching my father-in-law die, I was in complete
shock that it was happening then. Both my mother-in-law and me had dressed up
in red clothes, knowing it could be any day now that it would be deemed inappropriate
for us to wear that anymore. We were getting dressed to leave for mass
together, when my mother-in-law called me to come soon to her room.
And when I entered, I
saw the most beautiful picture of love I had ever seen. My husband was cradling
his father in his arms, his brother helping him hold Daddy up from the front so
he could breathe. And together both brothers held him as he took his last few breaths
and collapsed as Mummy and I watched on. The long process of dying had ended. Death
had arrived.
Since then, I have accompanied 5 other people in their last years of dying and these are the things I have learned along the way:
1. Dying is a long, ongoing process. We don’t start dying when we are diagnosed with a terminal illness or start feeling despondent with life. We are all dying. We are all one day closer to that definite day on which our earthly bodies will cease to function. And none of us know how soon that day is dawning.
2. Once we accept that we are dying, we will be free to truly start living. Not existing because we have to. Not dragging on because so many people have invested so much in us and we need to show up and show something for their investments. Not breathing in and out and doing all it takes to maintain this earthly body. Not forcing ourselves to go on because we have responsibilities and people are dependent on us. But really REALLY start living.
3. We can choose then to continue living this earthly life as if this is all there is: eat well, drink well and make merry till that day comes. Or we can start living in the light of the eternal life that is offered to every single one of us through a relationship with Jesus.
4. Death is as natural as birth. There is much to be anticipated and nothing to be feared as long as we accept that we are dying to this life and living eternally both at the same time.
5. We can start living our eternal life today. Through a relationship with Jesus, we have access to an eternity with Him in His Father’s house which He said has many rooms. We have a permanent home and a permanent family waiting for us in heaven. We are co-heirs with Jesus to all His inheritance. To claim our inheritance, someone has to die. Jesus died for us so we can get our inheritance today. We can start living abundantly in this eternal life with Him. And we can live in that heavenly reality with full access to all His heavenly resources starting today.
6. While we live in these earthly bodies, we will always live in the tension between what living here and now requires and what living in the reality of my heavenly home and family offers. Every single moment, we have choices to make: should I catch up on the news or my Father’s Word? When I’m disturbed by the news, should I swirl it all around in my head till it starts to make sense or should I talk to my Father about it? I can see people dying all around me: should I rush out to help or ask my Father in what way I can be most useful to Him?
7. When we make the choice to start living your eternal life today, we will have no more fear or anxiety about when or how we will die. We will cease to fear about who will care for our loved ones in our absence because we would already know the perfect love of the One who has cared for them all along much better than we have.
8. It really doesn’t matter how we die: with closure in our loved ones’ arms or alone without even knowing we are dying AS LONG AS we know the One to whom we have given our whole hearts, the One who holds our every breath securely in His hands, the One who holds us as we die, the One who has our room prepared for us, the One who has got us for all eternity.
For to me living
is Christ, and dying is gain.
Philippians 1:21
Very aptly written especially in these trying time.
ReplyDeleteThank you! It's so good to speak out clearly about what is true, but avoided by most of us. Like the personal touches too. 🙂
ReplyDeleteAll your writings are so profound. After reading each blog am just lost in thought, carried to a level where I just want to be with Jesus always so I don't need answers any more !
ReplyDeleteI was so lifted up by this dear. God bless you and your pen
ReplyDelete