Are you adopted??!
Adoption has meant different things to me at different times in my life.
As a child, adoption meant the relationship that my school mate shared with her parents who loved her and raised her although she was very obviously not born to them.
As a young adult, it meant being very inquisitive about my college mate's internship at an adoption agency, finding opportunities to tag along where I could.
As a woman wrestling with ill health and resultant infertility, it meant a distant option that was possible only after I got well enough to care for a child.
As a prospective adoptive parent (PAP), it meant figuring out a whole new world through reading books, meeting adoptive families, having a lot of difficult conversations with myself, my spouse, my closest friends and family members.
But on the day, I had to sign a legal declaration saying that I would be the main caregiver for a three month old baby I had met only once, it was the beginning of a brand new life. A life that was completely unrecognizable from every day before that. I was not only committing myself to be legally responsible for a little child who could not have any say in this decision. I was committing myself to be her mother, to care for her every need and to give myself wholly to her.
Except, unlike biological mothers who do not relinquish or abandon their children, I had to sign a legal document saying so. I was accountable to the courts of this land for her wellbeing and I would be monitored by an agency reporting to the court for two whole years after she came home.
When I look back at that day, I remember feeling very overwhelmed with this decision, even though we had made this decision so prayerfully, thoughtfully and with unequivocal social support from our immediate families, closest friends and neighbours. Ultimately, signing that letter meant, the buck stopped at me.
Which was just as well, because I had no qualms giving up my routine adult freedoms and dreams to fulfill this huge desire to be a mother that I had had since I was 12 years old.
What I was totally unprepared for was receiving constant inputs from others about what adoption meant to them too:
A young girl told me she thought we were the most sacrificial people she knew to take on the responsibility for 'somebody else's child.' She saw this adoption as an act of charity not an act of building a family.
At least two couples older than us told us how much they regretted not adopting when they were younger and had the chance. One of them went on to adopt an older child.
Many people I previously respected spared no effort to explain to me in front of my children how important family genes were and how influential genes were in determining a person's success.
A woman I barely knew crossed the road to come over and congratulate me on 'finally having my own child' when she saw me carrying my newly adopted second child- this in front of my two year old.
A well meaning friend told me I had had it easy- I just got a baby without any labour.
A doctor told us NOT to adopt because his very colleague who was a much sought-after pediatrician got a 'terrible child' through adoption.
A friend told us not to adopt because in his mind: when we get angry with the child we adopt, the child would feel more rejected than being in the orphanage.
Most people either glorified or demonized adoption. And I realized that they did this because no one discussed what adoption really is.
So let me break it down for you or anyone else who is confused.
There are 4 parties in every adoption:
The child (who can be adopted only if below 12 years old) who has been relinquished, abandoned or had gotten lost. Children who have parents (who do not relinquish their children) cannot be adopted irrespective of how clearly unfit their parents are.
The birth family, usually just the birth mother and her support system that has made the decision to voluntarily and legally surrender the child to the adoption agency (relinquishment), or has abandoned the child to be found or die (on the road/in a gutter/ dustbin) or has lost their child and has not been able to find their child for a long time, after which the child goes into the adoption system.
The adoptive family, who is usually but not always, motivated by infertility to include a child not born to them into their family unit as a full, legal heir to their family legacy.
The government authorized agency that cares for the child before adoption, manages all the legal procedures for all three parties with the best interests of the child as topmost priority.
Let me also clarify what is NOT adoption:
Taking care of a puppy or kitten: you have no legal responsibility for them because they are not legal entities.
Housing, feeding and educating poor children of your maids/other underprivileged families in your home.
Abusing a child as domestic labour and telling people she is adopted because you are educating her too.
Kidnapping a child or coercing a poor family/ vulnerable single mother to give up their baby for a sum of money to a family that wants a newborn baby without any major paperwork.
Selecting a fair, chubby, healthy, male child from an imaginary catalogue of babies in your head and expecting the adoption agency to supply you with the same.
Temporarily caring for relatives' children (that is fostering).
Paying for the education of children in a faraway place who send you their pictures and thank you letters in return.
Since there are so many various opinions and societal norms on what adoption is, we may turn to the law of the land to look at a more definitive understanding. But everything that is legal is not moral. For example, according to the law, the same children we adopted could have been legally killed in their birth mother's wombs when they were most defenseless and voiceless simply because their birth mothers did not want to be pregnant. So the law has not taking a clear stance on the rights of my children.
So, in the ultimate analysis, the only one whose opinion should matter, is the one who created us all in the first place. And what does God say about adoption?
Biblical history tells of only two people who were adopted: Esther, who was orphaned and adopted by her cousin Mordecai and Moses who was abandoned in a river (because staying at home meant certain death) and adopted by Pharaoh's daughter. Both adoptions were God-ordained so that both of them could fulfill God's purposes through them for an entire nation's salvation. I would gather that God is more than ok with adoption.
God has only ONE begotten son (John 3:16). The rest of His children are....you guessed it! ADOPTED!!!!
For all who are led by the Spirit of God are children of God. For you did not receive a spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you have received a spirit of adoption. When we cry, “Abba! Father!” it is that very Spirit bearing witness with our spirit that we are children of God, and if children, then heirs, heirs of God and joint heirs with Christ—if, in fact, we suffer with him so that we may also be glorified with him. St. Paul to the Romans 8:14-17
God's adoption of His people was always His first choice, His first plan for us.
Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in Christ with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places, just as he chose us in Christ before the foundation of the world to be holy and blameless before him in love. He destined us for adoption as his children through Jesus Christ, according to the good pleasure of his will, to the praise of his glorious grace that he freely bestowed on us in the Beloved. St. Paul to the Ephesians 1:3-6
I have made sure my children know that God says they are His children, that their identity, their worth, their significance is not based on what I say or what the aunties looking at us on the road say, but only based on what God says.
I invite you to look back at every person you know related to adoption, look back at your opinions and beliefs about adoption, look back even at how you say the word 'adoption' and look at them anew in the light of the fact that the Creator of the universe has adopted you ...or wants to!
He has taken the step to give Himself wholly to you, to be fully responsible for you as your Father, to care for your every need and to offer you a life in His family- as a full heir to everything He has!
What is your response?
Click here if you cannot see the video
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N8WK9HmF53w&list=PL4uTw1K3U-bEBp_G_PF7xHtkCJ4T2bOdl&index=26&t=0s
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