A Mommy's report card

 

All through our school, college and work life, we've been given certain standards that are expected of us, certain objectives to pursue and a clear indication at the end of the year of how successful or unsuccessful we have been in each area.

But when we become parents, what exactly are our objectives? To what standards do we compare ourselves? And how do we know if we are succeeding or not when we aren't even clear about what we are aiming for?

When they are little, it seems clear enough. While we were doing our research on adoption before our first baby came home we sought advice from other adoptive family with babies, older children, grown up teens. On hearing that we had two bedridden elders to care for and no family support to help us get through the initial months of parenting, one adoptive mum advised me: just focus on the main things: keep the baby clean, well fed, well burped and .... uh, alive :) 

I laughed then because it seemed so silly when she said that and I laugh now because I had no idea how hard it would be to do just those four things! 

But as my children grew older, my parenting goals got far more diverse and there was absolutely no one around to tell me whether I was doing enough, I was doing well or what I was doing wrong when everything seemed to be going wrong. It was on my knees every night, as an exhausted mother that I would beg God to protect my children from all the ways I didn't know I was harming them and give them the best childhood ever inspite of a broken, messed up mommy like me.

After a particularly low mommy moment, I was weeping to a wise, old mama who reminded me that irrespective of what I thought of my mommying skills, God has chosen me to be the mother of these children and I am the only mother they have. So I stopped beating myself up over everything and started relying more on His amazing parenting perspective to figure out what was my own.

And slowly and steadily, all through these 10 years of being a messy miraculous mommy, God has given me his own version of a mommy's report card:

When my daughter runs towards me in tears, saying "it's my fault, mama.", God whispers: "Well done, mama. She ran to you not away from you."

When my son sees a delicious treat he can't wait to pounce upon and says: "We have to keep Dada's share for him", God whispers: "Well done, Mama. He knows how to share even when he's hungry."

When I was writhing in extreme pain and my daughter took my hand and confidently said: Let's pray! God whispers: "Well done mama! You've taught her that I'm far more accessible than you are."

When my son tells me the mats outside the bathroom have to be dusted before sweeping and new mats put after swabbing, God whispers: "Well done mama, you're making sure your son becomes independent, even though you know it means that one day he won't need you at all."

When my daughter offers to make lunch for me because I'm cooking something for everyone else, that I myself am allergic to, God whispers: "Well done mama, she can see your unspoken needs because you have seen hers."

When my son tells me clearly when I'm wrong and what I should do instead, God whispers: "Well done mama, you've taught him right from wrong and given him the confidence to speak the truth to authority."

When I asked them whether either of them felt like I was favouring one child over the other, and they both answered in unison: NO! God whispers: "Well done mama, you've taught them that they have equal value in my eyes even though they have different genders."

And when I lay myself down to sleep and thank God for the 10 years of messy miraculous mommying, God whispers: "Well done mama, now sleep well because I'm in charge. And I will teach you how to parent them in the next phase of their lives."